


Worse Honeymoon Ever

by Psybee



Category: The Ship (Videogame), Wreck-It Ralph (2012)
Genre: F/M, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4064506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psybee/pseuds/Psybee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the movie. Our favorite soldier and maintenance man are finally able to go on their honeymoon when Litwak decides to go on a vacation. And what luck! A friend has given them tickets to a cruise on the newly installed game<i> The Ship</i>. It'll be a smooth couple days for our newlyweds, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worse Honeymoon Ever

**Author's Note:**

> This was a bday present for my beau and so I thought what the heck let me share it with the world. For those who have never played The Ship, you're basically tasked with killing a person on the ship and not being killed yourself.
> 
> Also screw editing .

_Where is she?!_  
Felix held a golf club in his sweaty hands and waited. His wife had left sometime ago to find a way off this boat. He wanted to go with her but she told him - more like commanded him - to stay. “Recon is my thing Felix. Stay hidden and quiet. And if anyone other than me comes in here, whack them with this and run and jump as fast as you can. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” That had been hours ago and he was starting to worry. He could hear the sounds people screaming and the echos of gunshots and blunt force trauma through the vents. The door to the room was suddenly kicked opened forcing him out of his less than pleasant thoughts. Relief washed over Felix since the only person who knew that he was in there was Tamora and he moved to open the door, but when the maintenance man peered through the slots it wasn’t his wife he saw. Couldn’t be another hunter going after him, could it? The crazy bellhop was still locked in the bathroom and unconscious. At least that’s what he hoped. And if they weren’t here for him then…

_Tamora!_

The pit of fear in him turned into righteous anger. He wasn’t going to let this killer lay one single finger on her. As he gripped the club tighter and waited, the intruder went to the bathroom and peeked inside obviously looking for something or someone. Not finding what they were looking for, the intruder stepped back into the room and turned towards the closet and walked towards it. When the door open, Felix closed his eyes and swung with all his might hoping to catch them off guard. Instead the intruder caught the head of the golf club and ripped it out of his hand.

“I thought I said to hit anyone but me.” He opened his eyes hearing the familiar voice Calhoun standing in the doorway holding a wrench in one hand and the golf club in the other.

“Tamora!”

“Quiet Felix,” She leaned down and covered his mouth checking the hallway. “I found a way off this deathtrap but we need to move! Before-”

“THERE SHE IS!”

In the doorway stood a rather angry man dressed in nothing but his underwear and pointing a gun at the couple. The sarge spun around and hurled the wrench at the armed man. The tool hit the man square in the head. He groaned, collapsing to the floor. The sergeant threw Felix over her, exited the room and bolted down the hall away from the yelling and the sound of burst fire from pistols and Tommy guns. Helpless, Felix could only think of the “gift” that led to them fighting for their lives…  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
**7 hours ago**

 

The sun shined brightly down on the newlyweds as they exited the tram. Felix wore his signature hat, a colorful blue Hawaiian shirt and shorts while Tamora wore a simple tanktop and jeans. The seaport was abuzz with activity: their fellow passengers milled about, checking their luggage and calming down rowdy children, and saying their farewells to friends and family while the ship’s crew was busy transporting luggage and cargo onto the vessel and doing last minute security checks. Felix looked up at the ship in awe. They couldn’t have planned it better. Just weeks after their wedding, the arcade owner, Mr. Litwak decided to take a short vacation and close the arcade for a few days. And on the day that Litwak left for his vacation Ralph pulled Felix aside before he could catch the tram to Game Central Station and meet his wife.

_The wrecker handed the hero an envelope. “So one of my friends at Bad-Anon wasn’t able to make it to the wedding so he told me to give you this.” In Ralph’s massive hand was a small red envelope with Felix’s name written in neat cursive.  
“Gosh I wonder what it could be?” The maintenance man took the envelope and opened it and pulled out two blue tickets. He gasped as he read what was on the ticket. “Ralph do you know what this is?”_

_“A ticket?”_

_“It’s a ticket to the_ SS Family Jewels! _”_

_Ralph couldn’t help but chuckle, “’Family Jewels’? Are you serious?”_

_“Laugh all you want but this is the cruise ship in the game that just got plugged in a few days ago. What was it called…. The Boat? Something like that.” Felix pulled off his cap and scratched his head, “All I know is that no one has been able to get on the ship. Have to make reservation Oh I can’t wait until Tamora hears this.”_

_“Well yeah, just make sure you bring back Vanellope back a souvenir. Something with sugar.”_

“Hey Felix, you okay?” Tamora’s voice pulled him out of his memory.

“I’m fine. Hey look!” He darted off towards the lone ship in the port. The S.S. Family Jewel could be summed up in three words: large, brown, and kinda ‘retro’. And Felix loved it.

“Oh I can’t wait until we’re able to board,” he squealed, acting more like a kid than an adult.

Calhoun on the other hand, wasn’t swayed by the vessel. A frown appeared on her face. “I don’t know about this, Fix-It.”

Felix stopped admiring the ship and faced his wife. “What’s wrong my butterbean?”

Calhoun glared at him at his choice for nicknames (as this one was particularly bad and she’d talk to him later about it) before looking back at the ship. “The ship, Felix. It’s just giving me bad vibes. And it looks like it’s about to break apart.“

"I think someone might be a little seasick.”

“We’re not even out to sea yet. And I don’t get seasick,” Tamora grunted.

“Well I think this ship has got charm, that’s all. Give it a chance.” But this was one eerie feeling the Sarge just couldn't shake off. And her gut was screaming. Charming or not she was not getting on the boat.  
“Nope, not doing it. Count me out.” She said definitively as she grabbed the dufflebag at her feet and started back to the tram terminal.

Felix hurried back to her and grabbed the dufflebag. “C'mon Tamora! Don’t go.” She grabbed him by the back of his shirt and picked him up until he was staring into her face. Although he was a bit scared seeing the rage she normally had for the Cybugs directed at him, he knew this was the only chance he would get to convince his wife to board the ship.

“I know, I know. ‘I don’t take orders from anyone’,” he said mockingly, “But please just listen.” He placed his hand gently against her cheek. “This is our honeymoon and the first time that well be alone in weeks! No Ralph, no Vanellope, no Nicelanders, no Cybugs, no gunfights. Just you and me and a little hanky panky.” He wiggled his eyebrows and had the biggest grin on his face.

Tamora’s eyebrows rose a bit and she had to use every ounce of willpower not to laugh at Felix’s choice of words. The sergeant closed her eyes and took a deep breath before replying.

“I’ll do it.” The smile on the small man’s face grew even wider but faltered when his wife continued. I’ll do it on one condition.”

“Name it.”

“Never say ‘hanky panky’ when talking about sex ever again.” She pulled him close until their noses were touching, “Never. Again.”

“Done.”  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
Once aboard the ship a bellhop took their bags and led them through the ship until they stopped in front of one of the first class cabins.

“Here’s your cabin.” The man said as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. Felix pulled out his ticket and reread the info printed. “But it says we have rooms in second class?”

“Felix, you know that saying about gifthorses,” The soldier asked.

“Yeah?”

“Stop looking.” She grabbed the ticket out of his hand and stuffed it into her pocket. The bellhop cleared his throat and placed their bags near the bed. “The captain decided to upgrade your room after hearing about you being newlyweds. You’ll be staying here in the honeymoon suite. The Captain’s Dinner will start at 6. If you need anything, from towels to champagne, you can use that phone on the side table. Welcome aboard the Family Jewels and we hope you enjoy your trip. And congratulations on the nuptials.” With that the bellhop left the room shutting the door behind him and leaving the couple alone.

“Well that was awfully nice of the captain to give us this room. And look at the view!” The wall opposite the door had a large window that overlooked the front of the boat. Felix hopped onto the chair next to the window and watched as passengers and crew milled about.

“I kinda feel like a king looking over his people,” he snickered, “And look!” He zoomed towards the bathroom that was located across from the bed. “This bathroom is huuge!” Indeed the bathroom was at least twice the size of Felix’s apartment. The floor was polished black marble. A clawed bath big enough for two people sat against the far wall. The sink and toilet were to the other side next to a rather large shower.

“I bet we could fit all the residents in this bathroom!”

“Do you really want to spend our honeymoon gawking at a bathroom?“

“But look at the design! You never see…see…”

All thoughts of the bathroom flew out of his head a his wife leaned over the bathtub and turned the water.

"Tamora!” He grabbed the brim of his hat and pulled it down over his eyes. His cheeks were bright red. “Y-you’re not wearing any clothes!”

“You expect me to take a bath with them on?” She asked twisting the faucet off. Felix listen to the water slosh around as the sergeant climbed into the tub and content humming coming front his wife as she settled herself. Suddenly his hat was pulled off his head. He looked up to see Calhoun resting her arms on the lip of the tub. Her face was slightly flushed and the eyes held a playful glint to them.

“Are you going to join me Felix or would you rather marvel at the architecture?”

To this day Tamora has never seen her husband get undressed so damn fast.  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
Their “activities” started in the bathtub and (once the water turned icy) moved onto the bed. By the time they were took a well deserved break the sun was starting to set, its orange light bathing the exhausted couple.  
Felix rested his head on his wife’s shoulder as tiny snores and grumbles escaped his mouth. Tamora watched and ran her fingers through his hair. She hated to say it, and she would never admit it to Felix, but this cruise wasn’t as bad as she thought. Better than the time they tried to be intimate at his apartment. Those stupid Nicelanders and stupid Gene coming to him with problems that a rat could fix. Of course there was no way they were going to do it at her place. The barracks were too small and had paper-thin walls. And one of them tended to be partially vocal during sex.

 

Tamora was brought out her thoughts when Felix stirred and rolled over to face her. He looked at her with a sleepy grin before inching forward and kissing her cheek.

“That was nice.” Felix sighed as rested his head on her chest.

“Only _nice_ , huh. Lets see if I can fix that.” Her hand traced a trail from his neck and down his chest. He let out a squeak feeling a touch on his thigh.

“That…that’s cheating,” Felix said with a whine. Darn her for being so flexible. He wanted nothing more than to turn the tables. Instead, as if reading his mind, Calhoun slid from under him and straddled his legs. “Look to me like you just need to limber up Felix.”

“Room service!” 

Tamora groaned and leaned over, resting her head on the bed frame. Grumbling death threats, she rolled off her husband, taking the bedsheet with her and draping it around her body before heading towards the door. Felix yelped and rolled off the bed. “Tamora,” He hissed, “I’m naked! You can’t invite him in!”

Calhoun rolled her eyes. “Wasn’t going to Fix it.” She cracked the door open and saw a bellhop holding a tray with a cover on top.  
“Can I help you?”

The bellhop smiled nervously.“I-I have a message for a Mr. Fix-It.”

“I’ll take it.” She reached forward for the tray but the bellhop took a step back.

“I’m sorry m’am. Its for his eyes only.”

Tamora frowned. There was something off and her gut was telling her not not to let this man in. “And I’m his wife. So ill make sure that he gets it.”

“I’ve got it.” Felix cut in trying to diffuse the tension. He stepped in front of the sergeant and not to subtly pushed her away from the man. Tamora grunted and moved back into the suite. Content that his wife was far enough to do bodily harm, he turned his attention to the bellhop.“Now how can I help you?”

The bellhop closed his eyes for a brief moment before looking down at the small man. A giant smile appeared on his face as he took a deep breath and removed the platter’s cover.

“Mr. X sends his regards,” He said jerking his hand away, letting the cover fall to the floor and reveal a giant butcher knife in his hand. Calhoun saw the danger too late. She watched the man swing his arm in a horizontal arc swipe. If this was just any ordinary person their neck would have been filled but fortunately this was her husband and the man’s reflexes rivaled Mario and Sonic.

Felix leapt back into the room as the blade sliced into the door frame, leaving a large gash on the polished wood. The bellhop yanked the knife out and rushed into the room, still waving the knife wildly as Felix jumped for the bed. As soon as the bellhop reached the bedside, one of the elegant bedside lamps was smashed into his face by Tamora. The forced of the blow was strong enough to send the man literally flying out the room. His body slammed into the wall and he fell face first onto the hallway floor. The knife landed in the doorway and the soldier was quick to take it in case them bellhop went after Felix again. But he remained on the floor, out like a light.

Felix hopped off the bed and watched as the soldier dragged the man’s body back into the room. “What now?”

“I tie him up and we get answers.”  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
The man gasped awake, feeling something cold on his pants. He wondered why was his pants wet. It wasn’t like he had gone swimming-  
And then he remembered. He remembered getting the knife, getting to the room and then nothing. He blinked trying to bring the blurry blobs in front of him into focus. And as soon as everything did he knew he had failed. One kill, that’s all he needed to get off this crazy boat and back to his friends. His target looked easy too. But he underestimated him, underestimated his woman too. And now he was screwed.

"Tell me why you tried to kill my husband and I won’t use all of your limbs as shark bait.” It was the woman.

“It was Mr. X ,” he squealed. It’s not like the crazed owner had bought his silence, ”He told us that we would have to kill someone –our designated prey- if we wanted off of the boat.”

“And if we don’t play?”

“Then you get killed.” The woman said nothing as she eyed him. After a while he thought maybe she would let him free. Or maybe she would keep her shark bait promise. Before he could ask a blow to the temple knocked him out once more.

“What a pickle.” Felix crossed his arm. Tamora redressed and made sure the doors were locked. There was a chance that there were more hunters on the way and she needed a plan

“Get dressed Felix. We need to get off this deathtrap and get out of this game.”

“But how?”

Calhoun started rummaging through the drawers and pulled out a conveniently golf club. “Leave that to me.”  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
**Present Time**

After running from what to be every single guard on the ship, Felix and Calhoun were able to escape to the front most part of the boat, pressing themselves against a wall.

“What are we going to do?” Felix looked around the corner and quickly pulled back. Three guards were yelling at each other, most likely berating each other for losing sight of the two. But other than the men Felix did notice another thing. “Is that a helicopter?”  
The soldier pulled Felix back and peeked around the corner. Past the guards on the other side of the ship Calhoun spotted a gray helicopter.

“Change of plans Felix. We need to get to that chopper. But first the guards…”

“I have a better idea. Jump into my arms.” Tamora started at her husband in disbelief. If this was Felix’s way to calm her it wasn’t working. “Felix what are you-”

“I FOUND THEM!”

“No time for discussion.” He scooped her into his arms and leapt up onto the top of the boat bypassing what would’ve have been the most epic tommygun fight and hopping onto the helipad. Calhoun jumped out of Felix’s arms and crept slowly around aircraft. The pilot was the only one inside. She wrenched the door open and placed the knife against the pilot’s throat.

“Get this bird in the air now.” The stunned pilot started the engine and Felix climbed in the back. The helicopter slowly rose and flew away from the cruise ship.

“Take us to the tram.” Tamora commanded, the knife still at the pilot’s head

“B-but this is against my code!”

Grumbling, Tamora opened the side door, grabbed the pilot and chucked him out into the ocean before climbing into the seat.Felix jumped into the co-pilot seat. “You know how to fly this thing?” “Let’s find out.” Tamora pushed the stick forward and the helicopter whizzed through the air and back towards land. As the copter reached the port the couple lept out of the still hovering aircraft and rushed towards the tram with the port police right behind them. While Felix called for the tram, Tamora kept the cops back with the tommy gun, fire short burst anytime they got closed. After a few tense moments of gunfire and Felix expertly dodging bullets, the tram finally arrived. They hopped onto the car and Calhoun set a course back to Game Central Station. Neither Felix nor Tamora said a word but they both kept looking behind them, almost sure that the police was still on them. It was only when the tram came to a complete stop did they realize the cops weren't coming after them. The pair hopped off the tram and sluggishly walked out of terminal. They took no more than a few steps when the alert sounded and Surge in all his glowing glory appeared with his clipboard. He pushed his glasses up and checked the papers. “I’m sorry but-”

The soldier grabbed the security guard by his collar (a feat Felix had never seen done in all his years of being plugged in) and pulled him up to her face. “Don’t. Try. Me.”

“You may proceed,” Surge coughed out. Tamora dropped the guard and began stomping her way to Sugar Rush, tommy gun still in hand, but Felix pulled her in the direction of his game.

Tamora looked at her husband with a sneer on her face. “Felix! Let go. I need to have a quick chat with Ralph.”  
“No, you’re going to try and kill him. And he’s not even in his own game.” 

Tamora scoffed, “He needs to pay for what he’s done." Felix rolled his eyes and jumped in front his wife arms stretched out. “Okay, listen to me for just a second. You could go to Sugar Rush and give Ralph a pounding…”

“Glad that’s settled,” She cut him off and moved around him still determined to continue to Sugar Rush. He grabbed her arm and pulled back . "You didn't let me finish. You could go to Surgar Rush or we could continue this honeymoon in a soundproof penthouse where the doors may or may not be welded closed once we get in there.”

At that Tamora stopped and faced her husband, a dubious look on her face. 

“Where did you get the soundproofing material,” she asked. 

Felix crossed his arms and wiggled his eyebrows. “I have my ways. But it still seems that you’re more interested in violence so..”

With that he turned around put his hands behind his head and walked towards his own terminal. Five steps later he heard the sound of metal clattering onto the polished floor and soon he was be grabbed and slung over his wife’s shoulder.

“We've had a hell of a day. I think this may be best honeymoon ever. Wouldn't you agree,” he asked nonchalantly.

Tamora gathered her husband into her arms and whispered in his ear, “We’ll see Felix. We’ll see.”


End file.
